Before you decide to talk to your partner about their addiction to alcohol your loved one about their substance abuse, you need to understand that you can’t change their behavior. The reason for talking to your partner is an opportunity to verbalize your feelings and concerns and to demonstrate that alcohol addiction does not have a place in your relationship and that it will never be acceptable. Acknowledging that any alterations in their behavior and seeking treatment has to be their choice. If the addict feels pressured into getting treatment,recovery will be unsuccessful and your intervention will do nothing but from cause conflict and resentment from the addict.

When you discuss your partner’s alcohol addiction try to clarify how their addiction is affecting your relationship. Do they get violent when they are drunk? Is their alcohol addiction causing financial problems? Are your children being affected by your partners addiction? Is their work being affected by their drinking? Is their alcohol addiction causing you worry and making you depressed? Try to be as clear as possible about the impact of their alcoholism on the family.

When you discuss the problems that their alcohol addiction are causing make sure that you set rules about what will and will not be tolerated.If you cannot enforce the boundaries that you define then there is no point setting them. For example, If you say, “We will only drink once a week” then you must mean and enforce it.

Using S.M.A.R.T can help you here, SMART is a technique for setting and achieving goals and you may find it of great help.

Specific

* Well defined
* Clear to anyone that has a basic knowledge of the project

Measurable

* Know if the goal is obtainable and how far away completion is
* Know when it has been achieved

Agreed Upon

* Agreement with all the parties about what the goals should be

Realistic

* Within the availability of resources, knowledge and time

Time Based

* Enough time to achieve the goal
* Not too much time, which can affect project performance

Bear in mind that if you cannot implement what you are asking for, then there is no point in requesting it. Build defined boundaries, with definite consequences for crossing them. For example, If you continue to drink, then I will leave you, not spend time with you, open a new bank account…Do you get the picture?

Don’t place or accept blame for the addiction for the addiction and don’t criticize your partner, this will not be productive and will only create conflict. Try not to be accusatory and when discussing the problem try to say,”I have a problem with your drinking”,rather than “Your drinking is a problem” If the focus is not directed at the alcoholic then a defensive reply or challenge is less likely to occur.

Make sure that you both agree on a time when your partner is sober and prepared to discuss the problem. It would be pointless if your partner has been drinking, suffering from a hangover or otherwise distracted. Think about how they will react to the discussion and plan your reactions accordingly. Will they accept that there is a problem, will they half heartedy agree to anything you say just to get you to shut up? Will they blame you or anyone but themselves?Will they become argumentative or violent? You need to consider all of these things. If there is any possibility of violence then you may need the assistance of a counselor or an unbiased third party. Whatever the situation try to be non-judgemental, loving and offering to help rather than to cast blame.

It is very likely that your partner will refuse to see that they have a problem and you may require the assistance of other family members. Other people can often help because the addict can then see about how many people their addiction is affecting.

After discussing your partner’s addiction, try to suggest some treatment options for them, and show them support if they agree to seek treatment. Ask them to discuss their addiction with a medical professional, to see what support options are open to them. Suggest that they join support groups on the internet,I personally have a forum where alcoholics support and offer each other advice and keep online journals describing how they are dealing with staying sober.

Once you have set goals and defined boundaries do not do anything to support your partner’s addiction, do not make excuses for their behavior, give them money so that they can purchase alcohol, or do anything which “enables” their opportunity to drink. If there is no consequences for their alcoholism then there will never be any motivation for them to change